For a long time, I thought being “easygoing” was a strength.

The cool girl doesn’t ask for much. She’s flexible. She doesn’t rock the boat. She goes along with plans, minimizes her needs, and prides herself on being low-maintenance.

And for a while, that felt like maturity.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that a lot of what I called being chill was actually me quietly abandoning myself.

Where I Downplay What I Need

I downplay my needs when I say “it’s fine” even when it isn’t.

When I convince myself that wanting reassurance, clarity, rest, or consistency is asking for too much.

When I shrink my feelings so I don’t feel like a burden.

I’ve noticed I’m quick to adapt, quick to accommodate, and slow to speak up, especially when I worry that expressing a need might make things uncomfortable or inconvenient for someone else.

But needs don’t disappear just because you ignore them. They just come out sideways.

How This Shows Up In My Relationships

In relationships, being the cool girl can look like over-giving and under-asking.

It looks like keeping the peace instead of telling the truth.

Like being understanding at the cost of being honest.

I’ve noticed that when I don’t voice what I need, resentment quietly builds. This is not because the other person did something wrong, but because I never gave them the chance to show up for me.

Real connection doesn’t come from being agreeable.

It comes from being known.

The Boundary I’m Practicing

The boundary I’m practicing right now is letting myself take up space.

That means:

• Trusting that the right people won’t be scared off by my honesty
• Saying what I need before I reach a breaking point
• Letting pauses exist instead of filling them with reassurance for others

I’m learning that being “low maintenance” isn’t the goal. Being clear is.

I don’t want to be the cool girl anymore.

I want to be the honest one.

The grounded one.

The one who trusts that her needs are not a problem. Who knows instead that they’re a pathway to deeper connection.

Reflection Prompts

Take a moment to sit with these reflections prompts. Feel free to journal them, think about them, or come back to them later.

• Where in my life am I choosing comfort over honesty?
• What needs do I tend to downplay, minimize, or dismiss?
• How does being “easygoing” show up in my relationships and what does it cost me?
• What boundary would help me feel more grounded right now?
• What would it look like to trust that my needs are welcome, not inconvenient?